I need a counselor.
I can't stand it.
The way she breathes down my neck.
All those voices.
All those stomping of feet.
All those slamming of doors.
All those noises that cramp up my heart.
I hate this family.
I can't tell anyone in the family anything.
I can't cry in front of them.
She poured cold water on me when I cook.
Always jealous that I cook for him.
If I cook, will anyone eat?
She doesn't even come home early to care.
I hate it when she smiles at those people in church.
Where are the smiles for me?
It's always unhappiness for me.
Displeased with me.
Coming home late,
staying up late,
not staying at home everyday,
simply just not happy that I'm spending time with him.
Saying that I understand that Christians and non-christians shouldn't be together, but yet I still stick so close to him.
Maybe I am intellectually disabled for not being able to understand my own sayings.
She says that she sees me following her footsteps.
And that when she married my father, he was a man with no savings.
And she is comparing my father to him, from my inference, stating that he is an incompetent man.
She says that if we get married now, I'll end up like her.
And it's better off if I'm not married.
So this is what I'll do, not marry.
She said that I always complain that they do not provide.
And that I always think that my parents owe me big time.
And that I always think that the money she gives me is never enough.
Maybe I do complain not having a computer.
Maybe I do complain that working and studying is tough.
So what? Can't I complain?
She just wants me to shut my mouth up.
I have no rights to complain about not having a computer because my dad has choked up one for me.
But nevertheless, who uses it more?
Yes, you do say that I can always tell my brother that I want to use it.
But do you think I will, as his sister?
I have no rights to complain that working and studying is tough because my sister, my cousins have done it.
So I can't complain.
She says that I think that the money she gives is never enough.
Did I ever say that?
She asks if she should take out the money from giving her parents to give me.
She asks if she should take out the 10% for offerings to be given to me.
What's her point in saying all these?
To make me feel like I'm treating myself like God?
She uses the word "
死" so many times as she lectures me.
Is this how she wants to build my faith?
I feel so torn by her.
Her smiles for those people in church but her unhappiness for me.
I find her smiles so fake.
As she states all these, everything went straight into my mind and stayed there.
When she kicked open the door, and left to shower, my mind was filled with the vision of myself, lying on the floor of level 1, all bloody and dead.
How would she feel?
I had the vision of jumping the moment she leaves the house.
I had the vision of falling right in front of her.
I had all those visions and I had the push.
I never felt such a strong push before.
This is what I initially wanted to post on facebook.
"Had I based my faith on the works of Man, it would have long diminished.
Day by day, believers tearing down my faith.
It's a struggle. It's a pain.
How long more can I hold...
*Please just read, I don't need your comments and I'll delete them if I have to"
And what she said about facebook.
She said that I would posts all the nonsensical things that she says on the facebook for everyone to see.
She said that it is I who ruined her reputation.
She continues with saying that she doesn't know what will happen after she scolds me.
She thinks that I will ignore her, lock the room, isolate myself, stay out late, treat her as invisible, post it on facebook, block her from facebook.
She thinks that I only think about myself and not about others.
Posting my own views only.
I used to posts my thoughts on facebook, but not anymore.
So once again, forcing words into my mouth.
I really hate it.
Hate this family.
Hate this life.
The result of me, is not from me.
I am not me.
I am who you made me to be.
PREVIOUSLY. / LATEST.
I need a counselor.
I can't stand it.
The way she breathes down my neck.
All those voices.
All those stomping of feet.
All those slamming of doors.
All those noises that cramp up my heart.
I hate this family.
I can't tell anyone in the family anything.
I can't cry in front of them.
She poured cold water on me when I cook.
Always jealous that I cook for him.
If I cook, will anyone eat?
She doesn't even come home early to care.
I hate it when she smiles at those people in church.
Where are the smiles for me?
It's always unhappiness for me.
Displeased with me.
Coming home late,
staying up late,
not staying at home everyday,
simply just not happy that I'm spending time with him.
Saying that I understand that Christians and non-christians shouldn't be together, but yet I still stick so close to him.
Maybe I am intellectually disabled for not being able to understand my own sayings.
She says that she sees me following her footsteps.
And that when she married my father, he was a man with no savings.
And she is comparing my father to him, from my inference, stating that he is an incompetent man.
She says that if we get married now, I'll end up like her.
And it's better off if I'm not married.
So this is what I'll do, not marry.
She said that I always complain that they do not provide.
And that I always think that my parents owe me big time.
And that I always think that the money she gives me is never enough.
Maybe I do complain not having a computer.
Maybe I do complain that working and studying is tough.
So what? Can't I complain?
She just wants me to shut my mouth up.
I have no rights to complain about not having a computer because my dad has choked up one for me.
But nevertheless, who uses it more?
Yes, you do say that I can always tell my brother that I want to use it.
But do you think I will, as his sister?
I have no rights to complain that working and studying is tough because my sister, my cousins have done it.
So I can't complain.
She says that I think that the money she gives is never enough.
Did I ever say that?
She asks if she should take out the money from giving her parents to give me.
She asks if she should take out the 10% for offerings to be given to me.
What's her point in saying all these?
To make me feel like I'm treating myself like God?
She uses the word "
死" so many times as she lectures me.
Is this how she wants to build my faith?
I feel so torn by her.
Her smiles for those people in church but her unhappiness for me.
I find her smiles so fake.
As she states all these, everything went straight into my mind and stayed there.
When she kicked open the door, and left to shower, my mind was filled with the vision of myself, lying on the floor of level 1, all bloody and dead.
How would she feel?
I had the vision of jumping the moment she leaves the house.
I had the vision of falling right in front of her.
I had all those visions and I had the push.
I never felt such a strong push before.
This is what I initially wanted to post on facebook.
"Had I based my faith on the works of Man, it would have long diminished.
Day by day, believers tearing down my faith.
It's a struggle. It's a pain.
How long more can I hold...
*Please just read, I don't need your comments and I'll delete them if I have to"
And what she said about facebook.
She said that I would posts all the nonsensical things that she says on the facebook for everyone to see.
She said that it is I who ruined her reputation.
She continues with saying that she doesn't know what will happen after she scolds me.
She thinks that I will ignore her, lock the room, isolate myself, stay out late, treat her as invisible, post it on facebook, block her from facebook.
She thinks that I only think about myself and not about others.
Posting my own views only.
I used to posts my thoughts on facebook, but not anymore.
So once again, forcing words into my mouth.
I really hate it.
Hate this family.
Hate this life.
The result of me, is not from me.
I am not me.
I am who you made me to be.
OLDER POST / NEWER POST
